Nick: So not only yesterday do I find out I’m adopted. The people I’ve been calling “Mom” and “Dad” are actually two infertile imposters who bought me outside of a meth clinic in Cincinatti for two boxes of Sudafed, but I also get this news dropped on me - my birth father, Bruce… well he needs a kidney and I’m the only match and apparently Bruce needs it stat. You need it stat, Bruce? Huh? Well maybe I needed a father stat instead of my stay-at-home dad who showers me with love everyday of his life this goddamn spermless liar!